This is not meant to be gross or inappropriate, it's suppose to be funny! So read with a light heart, we're beginners. Also, we've learned to have a sense of humor (thank goodness!) so laugh with us.. some things are just too hilarious to even try to take seriously!
Best Nursing Quotes of Fall 2010
- Anonymous Student: Can I get someone in here? I think my patient stopped breathing and I’ve been trying to listen for heart sounds for a little bit and I can’t get anything… Everyone else: Is this a joke?
- Mom: How was your day? Me: My patient pooped on the floor and all the way down the hall. How do you think my day was mom?
- (Walk into patients room and they’re on the phone so I wait by the door out of eyesight) Patient: Yes, 911, I’m going to need you to come get me immediately and probably bring the bomb squad. There are crazy people in my house who keep bringing me things and asking me questions… they’re very suspicious! (I walk into the room) Patient: Hurry! Here comes one now!
- Anonymous: You know those once in a lifetime million dollar ideas that people get and they become famous and rich… you know like RedBox inventions. Well I had the best one yet, Xanax lollipops! I think the market for them in nursing students alone would be thousands. If only we could figure out a way to get the FDA to let us put it in the lollipops. Group of students: You need SLEEP.
- Mom: What did you learn about in class? Hannah: I never knew the intimate relationship one could have with their poop/feces. Oh, and you’ve got to listen to the best YouTube video ever (voice full of sincerity and excitement). It’s called Diarrhea!!
- Student: How often do you go get a testicular exam? I need to know the recommended times to do that for my test this week. Dad: Talking about balls and poop at the dinner table is not ok. We are not having this conversation. Student: I guess that means you don’t go the recommended amount? (Dad gets up and starts leaving the dining room) You should really have that checked you know! You could get cancer and die!
- (While learning to insert Foley Catheters in the SIM lab and checking out all the dummy parts) Amanda: Umm, Mr. X, mine does NOT look like that!
- Boyfriend: My stomach hurts. Anonymous: Really, what did your last poop look like? Boyfriend: You’re really messed up you know… like beyond repair.
- (While studying the night before the test) Hannah: I’m so confused. I’m going to call Mr. X and clarify this breast and testicular exam stuff. Me: (Under my breath) Boy, what a conversation.
- Student: (Calling pharmacy) Hi, I just need to get some clarification on a dosage of di-pry, um, dun-prami, um, can I just spell it?
- (Young looking student walks into patient’s room) Student: Hi! I’m a student nurse, I’m going to be helping take care of you today. Patient: Is this a joke? What are you, 14?
- (Text Message) Friend: Hey girl, how’d clinicals go? Student: I’ll have to text you back… I thought I knew how to open Foley’s without getting pee everywhere… I was wrong. Do you think it’s ok to soak a name badge and shoes in bleach?
"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:1-2